Psychological abuse, also referred to as emotional abuse, is a form of abuse characterized by a person subjecting or exposing another to behaviour that is psychologically harmful. As of 1996, there were “no consensus views about the definition of emotional abuse.”
Psychological abuse involves the willful infliction of mental or emotional anguish by threat, humiliation, or other verbal and non-verbal conduct. It is often associated with situations of power imbalance, such as abusive relationships and child abuse. Psychological abuse may occur in groups, such as with bullying, or it may be by one partner in a relationship. In domestic abuse, psychological abuse nearly always precedes, and often accompanies, physical violence.
Methods of emotional abuse include causing fear by intimidation, threatening physical harm to self, partner, children, or partner’s family or friends, destruction of pets and property, forcing isolation from family, friends, or school or work. More subtle tactics include putdowns, Gaslighting, and denial that previous incidents actually happened. Modern technology had led to new forms of abuse, by text messaging and online cyber-bullying.
In domestic abuse victims are frequently in denial about the abuse and are often manipulated into thinking that they are to blame for it. Victims often find it hard to leave an abusive relationship for a variety of reasons, including emotional, financial or religious factors.
Abusers gain from their behaviour in such ways as not doing a share of the housework or by having total control of the family finances. Abusers can be very manipulative, often recruiting friends, law officers and court officials, even the victim’s family, to their side, while shifting blame to the victim.
Methods of manipulative control
Five fundamental training methods are involved:
- Positive reinforcement
Carrying on the desired behaviour brings rewards which may be in the form of praise, money, gifts, attention, approval or smiles. This is not bad in itself and is widely used in life and education. In abusive relationships however it serves to lure a victim into a relationship, being used more in the early stages, and keep them from leaving when used in the cycle of abuse. Abusers themselves receive positive reinforcement for their behaviour through the benefits obtained by their behaviour.
- Negative reinforcement
In negative reinforcement, also called aversive conditioning, unpleasant behaviour by the manipulator ceases when the victim complies. Such behaviours include nagging, whining, crying, playing the victim and blaming others. This tends to cause anger, resentment and frustration in the victim and can lead to a downward spiral anxiety, depression and low self-esteem.
- Intermittent or partial reinforcement
Positive reinforcement occurring on an intermittent basis tends to lead to addiction to a relationship. It is the basis on which the gambling industry works, with slot machines paying out small amounts often enough to keep the player hooked, but not enough to show a profit, while the potential jackpot remains elusive. Unpredictable patterns of aggressive behaviour, as by an aggressive manager at work, cause anxiety and keep victims striving to please.
- Punishment
Punishment following failure of the victim to comply with the manipulators wishes.
- Traumatic one-trial learning
A single extremely frightening experience can have long-term effects on the victim, creating long-term fear and anxiety. In abusive relationships, fits of violent rage, sometimes including physical assault, can leave the victim too frightened and disorientated to leave the relationship or stand up for themselves.
Domestic abuse
Sources of abusive attitudes
Although both sexes can be victims hundreds or thousands of years of male dominated societies have created negative attitudes towards women among many men, leading boys to grow up with a deeply engrained sense of entitlement that women will do all the work of looking after them, even if the woman is also going out to work. While some women are aggressive and dominating to male partners the majority of abuse in heterosexual partnerships, at about 80% in the USA, is by men. About ten percent of recorded violence in the UK is by females against males.
Fundamentalist views of religions which have developed in male-dominated cultures tend to reinforce these attitudes. All the major world religions historically taught the dominance of men over women. Thus the book of Genesis states “in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children: and thy desire shall be be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.” Such ancient texts provide men with justifications for abusing female partners. Fundamentalist religious prohibitions to divorce make it more difficult for religious women to leave an abusive marriage. A 1980s survey of Methodist clergy found that 21% of them agreed that no amount of abuse would justify a woman’s leaving her husband.
Many older and some not so old children’s stories contain gender stereotyping, and music videos and computer games for children and teenagers have been criticised for continuing to portray men as aggressive and in control, while the females are there only for their sexual allure; women are portrayed as wanting to be chased and caught when they run away.
Legal systems have in the past endorsed these traditions of male domination and it is only in recent years that abusers have begun to be punished for their behaviour.
Common myths about domestic abusers
Loss of control
Abusers may blame the victim’s actions for causing them to lose control of their temper. It is often apparent however that they do not behave in that way with other people. When abusers smash up property in apparently random acts it often turns out that they avoid damaging their own belongings, and if law officers, called by alarmed neighbours, arrive the “uncontrollable rage” will be instantly switched off. At this point the abuser, who is calm, will often pass the blame to the victim, who is likely to be visibly disturbed.
Too much anger causes abuse
Abuse therapists find that anger is usually only one of many abusive tactics employed against a victim. Anger results from abusive attitudes and the abuser’s sense of entitlement rather than being a cause of these. Anger management courses are unlikely to stop abuse because they do not address the abuser’s attitudes.
Mental illness
Some abusers do have personality disorders such as Borderline Personality Disorder or psychopathy, but most abusers are mentally normal. It is their attitudes, absorbed from society or their family background, that make them abusively seek power over their partner or child.
Low self-esteem
Abusers are found in all walks of life and many of them are successful and confident. They include heads of corporations, high ranking police officers and judges. Boosting abusers’ egos may increase their sense of entitlement and lead to worse abuse.
Alcohol or drug abuse cause abuse
Many substance abusers do not abuse their partners. However, those who do usually continue or even intensify psychological abuse if they give up the substance abuse. Having used the substance abuse as an excuse for their behaviour before, they are likely to change to using the stress of staying away from the substance as the excuse.
